Cairo habibti

Finally back home after a looooong summer. My loyal readers, thank you for not giving up on me. I’m back, and bigger than ever (figuratively and literally—why oh why do we gain weight in the summer)

Coming back to Cairo was like coming home. Duh.  Back to the noisy, polluted city that is part of me. And yay for the bridge on kilo 4.5!! (An area notorious for its insane traffic because of a bottleneck–a 6 lane street that suddenly becomes a 2 lane one). They’ve been working on it for a year and it’s finally done. And hello? Why has the Citadel turned green?

Anyway, I spent a day in Cairo before packing my bags and heading to Sahel for one last week before Ramadan. A wonderful week, beginning from seeing the strange Dr. Olivee structure on my way there (what IS that??) and having the nice lady in the restroom bathrooms rationing out toilet paper rolls, to having mango orgys by the pool and sitting in the tired old open-air cinema in Zahran market.

As I think I’ve mentioned before, I’m not at all into partying/ the new Sahel scene so I stayed far away from Hacienda/ Marassi/ Sky etc. For me, Sahel has and always will be about swimming, eating, sleeping half the day,  staying up all night at friends’/ relatives’ houses, and perhaps playing a tough game of Bank El-Haz (Egypt’s version of Monopoly). Akhery Marina. And speaking of Marina, has anyone else noticed the freaky four signs that go “Remember Allah.” “He’s always watching.” “You might meet him now.” “His door is always open?”

Q: Why does one of the new Pepsi cans look like the packing of Always?

Listening to…

…Amr Diab’s new CD for the 10 millionth time.

It’s not even that nice! So why oh why is it playing in every car, store, and restaurant? Uff.

(Check out this hilarious subtitling:)

Some summer rituals need to die. The guy’s pushing 50 for heaven’s sake–and looks it in real life. His photo on the cover? Photoshopped like crayyyyzy.

Sahel has gotten real old real fast. It was fine for the first couple of days, then the ‘quality’ family time started getting on my nerves. I love my family to bits, but being with them 24/7 is a bit too much. Thank God I eventually had to get back to work and only went for weekends. Sooo much better. Enough time to miss them when I’m gone and not enough time to get annoyed with the family ‘quirks.’

Plus, I really can’t do the whole three-months-bumming-around thing anymore. It’s just the biggest waste of life there is–pure hedonistic indulgence. The last time I did it was 2005, and every year since then I’ve found a way to get out of it. This year, beginning in a couple of weeks, I’m going to be spending six weeks in six different countries. One week for the awards ceremony (and can I just say I feel bad about dragging my parents halfway across the globe to a freezing cold country just so they may see me win a prize?), one week in a European city being a tourist/ hooking up with friends, another country for shopping, and three Arab countries in August for a project I’m working on. I am vairy vairy excited but wish more of the countries were ones I’d never been to before–I’ve already visited four out of the six. But whatever, I’m going to be out of boiling hot Cairo! And insh’Allah having fun.

Tanning

So my mom gave me a lecture today on tanning. Her argument isn’t that I’d get skin cancer, but goes something like this:

Europeans like to tan because they’re all white. Dark skin isn’t common there so it’s nice when you have it. Here, it’s the opposite. We don’t have a lot of white people, so white is good and dark is bad. You are nice and white, why would you want to be dark? Just because “they” like to do it doesn’t mean you should.

Other than the fact I know Egyptians are unfortunately racist, and those with dark skin are considered somehow inferior (Case in point: I have a hijabi friend who makes sure to tan her entire body while covering her face so she doesn’t look “Sudanese”), my mom did make one pertinent point: Am I tanning just because it’s ingrained in me through being exposed to ‘western’ culture than tanning is good?

Personally, I love the feeling of the sun on my skin. I love how it seeps into my bones, kind of like how I love the feel of clothes that are hung out to dry in the sun till they dry. I love jumping in the pool and then drying in a second when I lie on the pool chair.

When oh when will the stupid mangoes ripen?

Comfort and Bliss

Yesterday was a day that was everything I love about being here. It began with breakfast at 3pm, where, joy oh joy be still my beating heart, we had feteer and teen barshoomy (figs).

Now, feteer is an Egyptian institution. It’s kind of like Egyptian pie—layers of pastry baked in an oven with honey and cream, and then you dip it in molasses or sugar. I love it when lots of layers are used, and it’s called mewara’ (literally ‘paper-y’) because I love the inside layers and not the crisp outer layers. I haven’t had nice feteer in ages and this was feteer right out of the oven. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

And then we had figs! I’ve been craving them for months and months and they weren’t available yet so my first bite into a juicy fig was divine.

In case you didn’t realize, food makes me happy.

And then I spent the rest of the day ba2anta7′ (bumming around) with my family. We each lie on a sofa on the terrace basically doing nothing.

My brother and I had a blast listening to old old songs (Think Backstreet Boys’ “Everybody” and Christina Augulera’s “Genie in a Bottle”). It reminded me of ‘The’ Pizza Hut CD—the very first CD we’d ever listened to which was a present from Pizza Hut and which we replayed over and over for months. My dad amused himself by swatting flies while reading a mountain of newspapers. I convinced my mom to play pool with me. And then we’d flop back on the sofas and drink tea with milk.

I wasn’t in the mood to swim, but I did have a go on the humongous trampoline my dad just had installed. And I know I must have looked silly, but it was sooooo much fun. Pure, unfettered joy. The hair in your face, the sun beating down, and jumping up and down like I did when I was a kid. Vairy vairy fun.

Around 9:30pm we went to Porto Marina, which is like a mini outdoor mall right along the coast with outdoor restaurants. We went to see Adel Imam’s new movie Bobos, which wasn’t as horrendous as I expected. There are tons of really good Egyptian movies out now, but most are serious ones dealing with problems in Egyptian society, so we went to see Bobos because it was a comedy.

But even though it was funny, there was a very serious message in it I appreciated—the contrast between the rich Egyptian millionaires and the average Egyptians who struggle to make a living.

The movie ended around midnight and then we went to eat. We settled on Johnny Carino’s and had to wait 10 mins for a table, it was that crowded and the summer hasn’t even really begun! We stuffed ourselves with food while listening to the DJ play songs like “Matchy catchy combo, ya caa chicky chicky chicky chicky cha” (what is the name of that song?!). A turtle cheese cake at the end made the day perfect. Went home, straight to bed, and woke up today at noon. And now I’m off to swim. Bliss.

Beach

Ahhh, the beach.

It’s summer time… and Ladies looking Hot. Whine Up, Whine up….

I’ve got that stupid song stuck in my head, probably due to the fact that we had it on repeat almost all the way down to the north coast.

It’s summer, which means a certain segment of Egyptian society moves to the North Coast, spending a couple of months at their fancy villas swimming and bumming around. Marina, which is where my family is at, is a haven for those who want to do nothing more strenuous than swim, jet ski, eat and party. Day and night are flipped, with people sleeping most of the day and up all night. Music pulses all the time, tanned pretty people are having fun, and life is on hold for a bit.

I usually love it for a week or so, then I get bored. So far, I have swum in the pool, got burnt tanning, and walked on the beach. La femme, the women’s only beach, isn’t open yet, so that sucksbu other than that I’m still in the happy-yes I’m-on-holiday-phase.

Everything about being here reminds me of being a kid. We stopped at Masters–a rest stop– on the way, and it brought back such strong memories of praying dad would stop there when I was a kid so we could eat icecream and shop at the two or three stores. I honestly don’t know why I loved it so much.

Utter peace and nothingness. I love it. Will probably get bored in a bit, but for now I am having fun fun fun.

Beirut

Where Hariri is buried. I went today and it was intense.

Somehow, it’s not what I imagined. I was thinking more along the lines of a mini-Dubai with decadent nightclubs on every corner (it’s all your fault Jad Shewery, you are your stupid Funky Arabs music video) but so far it looks just like any other small Arab country (Qatar, Jordan, etc).

It’s been so long since I took an EgyptAir flight, I almost peed myself laughing at the Egyptian TV version of the guy that walks you through the flight safety tutorial. Big moustache, big belly, etc showing you how to put on your oxygen mask, etc.

I’m here for a couple of weeks till the elections, and God is it going to be crazy. Spent my first night here intently debating Lebanese politics. And I’ve never seen so many ads for politicians running for office ever. Making fun of their slogans (especially the ones that tell you “don’t vote for the slogan, vote for the program) is vairy fun. Without even knowing who the parties are, I can say that the strongest ones are:

1) Vote for change. I vote Orange (Girl with orange lipstick).
2) We won’t bring them back. And the sky is blue.
We won’t forget. And the sky is blue. (Hmm, translation isn’t really getting the meaning across).

Anyway, it’s going to be an interesting couple of weeks. I don’t think I’ll have much time to write, so forgive me in advance.

Weekend in Dubai

Hey hey,

Sorry for abandoning you guys with no notice.

I had a long weekend last week (wed–sat) so tuesday morning I decided to take advantage of it and head to Dubai before the Dubai Shopping Festival (DSF) ends.

For those of you who don’t live on this planet, Dubai is one of the shopping capitals of the world. Nowhere I’ve ever been so far–not London, not Rome, not Paris, NOWHERE, has shopping that can even compare to Dubai. Add to that the fact that the legendary Dubai Shopping Festival (DSF) was still ongoing, and it’s a sure thing I spent my days in the malls, from the moment I woke up until the moment the malls closed.

I’m not really a shopaholic, but say the words ‘70% sale’ and I’m hooked. And although everything is either size 4 or size 20, I managed to scavege and find some beatiful stuff.

The new love of my life: My new Jimmy Choos. And Christian Louboutins. And Dolce and Gabbanas. Ehem. So I’m a fickle, fickle girl…

Sales are evil. They make you think you’re actually getting a bargain (which you are), but you’re still spending a ton of money. And Question: why are all the sales people so hot?

Anyway, I shopped a lot.

Which is why I ended up (as usual) unpacking my suitcase in the airport.

My Fridge on Emirates

I HATE the 32kg rule. I spent all night packing and stuffing my suitcase only to be told to unpack in the airport because my bag weighed 38kg. Stupid Emirates. Even stupider new Terminal 3 where you have to walk for like an hour before you get to the gates.

On the plus side, the new first class lounge is incredible. Open kitchen restauarnt, room with beanbags and an xbox, complimentary spa treatments etc. You could spend a day there for real.

And the new airbus is gorgeous. I would marry it if I could. Three and a half hours of pure bliss. Each seat got its own fridge, the chair is actually a massage chair and reclines into a completely horizontal bed, and you can watch almost any movie your heart desires.

A divine weekend. I am now the proud owner of a lot of stuff, and I got to meet up with a lot of my friends and hang out in my favorite cafe of all time, the best cafe to chill in and smoke shisha, Almaaz* by Momo on the top floor of Harvey Nicholos in Mall of the Emirates. Best atmosphere, best decor, best music and very very nice. I finally satisfied my shisha craving! Had to go to another country to do so, but whatever.

And since I was on a (semi) holiday, my diet went out of the window. For no reason whatsoever, I’m going to give you my favorite restaurants in Dubai:

Unos’ Grill: Located in City Center. The Dubai equivalent of Chilis. Best drinks ever. I recommend Bozza Colada.
Steakhouse: At the Crowne Plaza hotel on Sheikh Zayed Road. Usually overcrowded with men so better to take a guy with you if you go.
Indian Palace: Ibn Battuta mall. Best. Butter. Naan. Bread. Hands down. Some people swear by Gazebo, but I prefer Indian Palace.
Scarletts: Emirates Towers. Best pina colada and peach cobbler.
Nobu: Need I say more? In Atlantis.

While at the new Dubai mall, I sacrificed a precious hour of shopping time to visit the new Aquarium, and I am so glad I did. Compared to it, the London aquarium sucks. Walked in the tunnel, watched the shark anuses above my head (somehow takes away from the magic), and felt affection for the big fat mammoth fish cruising by. It’s honestly very cool–jellyfish and penguins and seals and huge crabs and piranhas.

I love Dubai. Souless it may be, but utterly fun to come to every couple of months. I’ve been there a couple of dozen times and I’ve never gotten bored.

Next time I’m there, I’m cutting my hair. I didn’t have time to go this weekend but I’ll defintely make time the next time I go. I’m thinking Victoria Beckham style, but I wonder how bulky that’ll be under my hijab?

* Diamonds. Yeah, I know, not the best name for a shisha cafe.

Traveling

I love traveling. Love it, love it, love it.

The feeling I get when I step off a plane and onto the land of a brand new country is indescribable. Fizziness in my stomach, like I have kangaroos jumping around in there. It’s exhilarating and not even the crying babies on a 10 hour flight or annoying airport procedures can put me off.

I love exploring new cities and getting lost, taking in the sights and absorbing the culture.

Plus, of course, I love love love hotels. The suite I was put up in this time was downright decadent. I had a dozen pillows on my bed, complimentary Godiva (!) chocolates, a gorgeous gorgeous view, and I wallowed in it.

So yeah, I had a lot of fun this week. Beautiful city, beautiful hotel, and oh, interesting conference. Got up and did my piece, and thankfully came across as knowledgeable. Good thing no one knew I wrote that speech half an hour before I gave it.

So, I’m back. Miss me? :)