Met up with an old friend of mine today who’s back in Egypt for a couple of days.
He’s not Egyptian. Or Arab, even.
He semi-proposed to me once but I acted as if he was joking because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, and he never mentioned it again.
His was the cutest, most touching, and heartfelt proposal ever. I almost cried.
Unfortunately though, it could never happen.
I’ve thought about this a lot over the past few years. What would it be like to marry a non-Egyptian?
There’s no denying that I am definitely more myself when I am with non-Egyptians, men and women. I don’t censor my thinking as much, I’m more easygoing, approachable, and funner. The things I think are most important about myself are shared–education, awareness of the world, smartness etc–and appreciated. My accomplishments aren’t diminished because I don’t have a hubby or kids.
A non-Egyptian (especially if non-Arab) is less likely to have the annoying personality quirks I hate in Egyptian guys: possesivness, jealousy, obsession with control, need to feel he is superior etc. Being raised to think women are equal, deserve to have their own life, and aren’t just there to feed your physical and sexual appetities and be incubators is rare in Egyptian men.
Then again, there’s always the religion and culture angle. I cannot and do not want to marry a non-Muslim. My faith is very, very important to me. As as much as I hate certain aspects of my culture, there are some things I love and cannot do without.
Oops, have to run, time for American Idol! Will pontificate more on this subject later.
What about marrying a non-Arab muslim ?
does it matter if he’s western and muslim by name, ie just to marry you. your mentality and attitudes are more western than Egyptian.
What about an Egyptian guy raised in the west, don’t you think he would have best of both worlds? Kind of like not having the annoying personality quirks that you mentioned and being more open minded, yet still conscious of his culture, background and religion?
OMG! I could write a thesis on some of the points related to your post, or at least have a 25 hour coffee discussion on the topic.
Check out the posts on both Wandering Scarab and Ghawayesh’s blogs for the realities of issues related to Egyptian Muslim Women marrying non-Egyptian non-initially-anyway Muslim men.
A friend of mine, Egyptian Muslim female, years ago fell in love with a non-Arab non-Muslim who she wanted to marry for the reasons you have outlined, especially because she felt she was able to be her true-est self with him and he appreciated her as an individual.
Culture and family and tradition won out, however. She married the “right” Egyptian and she lives a full usually happy life with many blessings: kids, health, wealth, travel, education, relative freedom, but little support, to continue her work and projects beyond family. Divorce almost came more than once. She has struggled with depression for years at a time. And she often thinks of what life would be had she made other choices. But then, don’t we all?
Just based on info about you from your blog, it seems to me that you would be happier with a person who is spiritual on the inside and enjoys reflecting and discussing faith and spirituality openly with you, not necessarily the devout outward appearance currently on the rise.
I say choose someone who makes you feel more yourself, more alive, someone who broadens your horizons rather than diminishes them.
There’s always a price though for every choice. And no one knows the outcome.
Ah, life!
*sigh*
I don’t mean to be disrespectful to anybody’s religion here but almost all Muslims are raised to think less of women, of course it’s a bit less obvious with non-arabs because of the society around them but deep down it’s the same. It’s in our religion whether we like to admit it or not. I can go on and on about how it works but that’s not the place for this (other religion followers, don’t act so happy I can go on and on about yours as well no matter which one it is).
It’s really hard to find an Egyptian Muslim with the qualities you’re looking for but they’re there, they’re extremely rare but they do exist I’ve seen them with my own eyes!
It just never fails to amaze me how we can miss out on a chance for happiness because of religion, race, or even nationality. I mean we’re all grown ups here and we all know the hard cold truth that for every happy person there are dozens of miserable people. How can we say no because of this. I’d understand it of course if there are complete major opposite ideologies involved (a Zionist marrying a PLO activist or something like that) yeah that should be a show stopper but if two people have different faiths and they still respect each other why can’t they live together and be happy?
I’d also understand it if they come from different social classes for example, yeah that could be a problem anywhere not just in our society but religion? come on! where’s the logic in that? I really wanna understand this I’m not trying to give you an opinion here I just don’t get it.
Hey! I remember I brought up this issue (or was it a suggestion?) about you marrying a non-Egyptian Muslim, so I’m really happy to see this post.
I really like your blog, you have this way of explaining things and bringing your point across without being offensive and derogatory. I was wondering if you’d be interested in joining a forum? I just created my own site dedicated to Arabic arts and dance, we’d love to have you as a member!
Salam,
Banoota
Hey guys, thank you all for your great comments. This was just an introductory post to this vairy interesting topic, so I’ll talk more about this soon. But quickly:
@ s: Yeah, I think it would matter, because I do believe having shared beliefs is important. The topic of Muslim women marrying whomever they want is the motion of next week’s Doha Debate, it should be very interesting to watch because personally I’m kind of the fence with that. I have an aunt who married a British guy who converted just to marry her and it didn’t work out.
@ Mohamed Aly: Ideally ideally, I’d love to marry someone who spent their childhood in Egypt and then studied abroad. A ‘halfie’ would be amazing–best of both worlds! Unfortunately, there’s no place I know of where I can order one of those
@ raasa: “A person who is spiritual on the inside and enjoys reflecting and discussing faith and spirituality openly with you, not necessarily the devout outward appearance currently on the rise.”
You hit the nail right on the head! Exactly.
@ AEA: Will definitely discuss this more later.
@ Banoota: Sure, why not?
Yalla we want to know more about the guy!
dude, i’m VERY worried about your social life…what kind of egyptian friends have you that u cannot be yourself with them and they think less of you for not being married with kids? aywa el mogtama3 ibn mitnaka but u can still find good people. as for men, like i said before i know a bunch who are GREAT…and if i know some, surely there are more out there (that might be religious enough because mine aren’t). u still need new friends tho.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!!! For the matter of fact me & my friends we were talking about the same thing yesterday! I am an Egyptian Girl; studying & living in Beirut; I have a certain perspective of the world! I really respect my religion but I hate the way Egyptian Men act as if they are better since they were simply born men!
where would you find THAT!
And when they for example let you complete your graduate studies; they would act as if they have given you a gift; an extra privilege! Not your own right to pursuit your dreams! That is why I would prefer a Non-Arab! bass el moshkella b2a ! FEEENNNN
“let” you complete graduate studies? where are these men who are even being given a chance to comment on that? the guys i date are always pushing me to do things with my life.
Well there are small minorities! I can’t generalize but the idea is that when we are talking about men that actually understand and are sociable creatures able of equality ! we are talking bourgeoisies! And those are again -I confrm- minority of the minority!
@ Velli: What about him? He was a sweetie pie who made me laugh and was willing to convert and settle in Egypt for me.
@ forsoothsayer: They don’t think less of me for not having kids, they just want to see me ‘happy.’ And I’m not truly myself with them because I don’t let myself. I don’t let myself because I personally don’t know what kind of person I’d be if I really let it all out, and didn’t self-censor myself in any way.
As for guys, perhaps I’m just in the wrong social circles, because most of the guys I know–seriously–would rather their wives dote on them. They’re not as bad as ‘let you’ but they’re in the ‘we’re so magnanimous we’re putting up with this.’
pat. have fun in beirut tayeb!
Hey Fattractive,
Here’s the address to the forum I was telling you about: http://www.arabicartsforum.com
Thanks and I look forward to seeing you there!
I don’t know if it’s just me…but I get the feeling that when an Egyptian guy marries an Egyptian girl, he’s treating her like he’s doing her a favor.