My dad just bought me a new car.
I usually chastise him for his impetuous buys, but I can’t find the heart to do so this time. I love it.
And it’s not just any new car, but a ridiculous seven-figure car which is owned by less than half a dozen people in Egypt.
A car that is so intensely masculine, I can almost feel the testosterone waves hitting me when I get close to it.
A drool-worthy car.
I love it.
But at the same time, it kind of repulses me.
I feel so confused sometimes. Part of me is in love with the car, what it represents, how badass I look driving it–a veiled Egyptian woman hell yeah!
But part of me thinks it’s the height of craziness to spend so much money on a car when 40% of Egyptians live on less than $2 a day. Part of me hates the ostentatiousness that goes with the lifestyle I live. Hates that material things are so important. Is scared that the more and more I spend, the more lavishly I live, the less happy I will be.
I remember my happiness when I was first learning how to drive. The pure joy I felt the first time I took the car out alone. And it was a broken down, 10 year old Daewoo. And then my joy when I finally got my car. The shrieking and the happiness. But when I saw the new car my dad had bought me and registered in my name parked outside my house, I was happy, but not as happy.
The thing is, there’s only so happy you can be. And the more lavish the gift, the harder it is to match. If I accept this car, then what will I drive when I’m 30? 40? What else is there to drive? A McLaren?
I love my dad, I really do. But to him, material objects are so completely worthless, he doesn’t understand their allure. He buys his ties off street vendors. He’s breakfasted on fuul and ta’meya since he was a kid. He’s one of the most powerful men in Egypt and to him that doesn’t mean squat . The world to him is definitely like the Prophet Mohammad advised: in his hand but not his heart.
Unfortunately, I’m not quite there yet. I’m nowhere even near there. So when my father insists on buying me the most expensive stuff, he’s not doing me a favor. He doesn’t understand how corruptible things are. He doesn’t understand that when you get everything you want and things you didn’t even think of wanting, they kind of cease to have much value.
He doesn’t understand that when I drive this car, crusing with my aviator sunglasses on, inside I’m preening. I’m soaking in the admiring glances. When policemen fall all over themselves to let me pass when I come to an intersection, stopping traffic in the hopes I’ll be kind and give them something, I start to think I’m somehow better than anyone else.
He doesn’t understand that even if I marry the richest guy in the world, no one is like him with money. No one treats it like it’s Monopoly money.
And he doesn’t understand that the more and more stuff he insists on giving me, the further away we get from normal people. I got my Centurion Amex card, the infamous ‘black’ card, the day I turned 21. I got a bank account opened with my name and millions deposited in it. How on earth can I sustain this lifestyle? I can’t. And no guy my age can. And the more I live like this, the harder it’ll be to give it up.
I would be intimidated by a guy I saw driving my new car. What will a guy think if he sees me driving it?
But I want it.
While I’ll never be in your situation I can understand it. There are a lot of kids here who will snub their noses if it’s not a certain brand, a certain look. They don’t realize how fortunate they are to even have something. That’s a key difference between them and you. You realize that working for and earning an old Daewoo is more fulfilling than being handed The Next Big Thing. Of course you’re excited to drive something so awesome! It’s shiny and powerful – honestly, who can resist that combo? At least you know it doesn’t define you. Would people see you differently if you drove something else? Of course. The big question, though, is do you see yourself differently?
What kind of car is it????
first of all, let me guess..its a Porsche Cayenne, isn’t it?
second of all, are you kidding me?!!
you’ve been blessed…enjoy it and thank God for it…no need to feel guilty.
I would really like some days in your house sister!
I love your way to think, u have everything…. but u are still thinking in reality
its very good! actually i hate kind of people who are lifting their noses up in the air, and living in pink clouds.
this was an amazingly powerful post. I’m glad I decided to read the older posts in your blog.
I totally understand; and while I may not have anywhere near the money you do, I do have my foreign nationality which opens doors and brings me money normal Egyptians can’t get. Simply for being American.
I look at my husband’s family, at my nieces an nephews, who have so much less than me and I feel almost guilty.
I really, deeply understand what you mean.