I have fallen in love…
…with a dress.
Unfortunately, it’s a dress that needs no discernible bulges or love handles whatsoever. And with Tina the talking tummy being my defining feature (white chicks, anyone?), that kind of dress is most definitely out.
Just as well, anyway. Where would I wear it? It’s strapless and ends at mid thigh. Not really the kind of dress I can ‘work around’ to make hijabi-friendly (and can I just say it hurts when I see girls wearing strapless dresses with a Carina long sleeved top underneath? Uggh. It ruins the dress).
The only place to wear it would be…at an all-girl party.
Now, for those who don’t know what they are, let me explain.
Every once in a while, hijabi girls of a certain social class dress up as if they were going to a party. Hair, makeup, dress, shoes, the works. But instead of heading to the nearest nightclub they head to a (girl) friend’s house. There, they eat and dance like there’s no tomorrow.
So basically, they dress up…for other girls.
But believe me, it’s not as lezzy as it sounds.
Basically, I think of it like this: As women, it’s ingrained in us that we want to look pretty for men (bra-burning feminists, simmer down). We want to look pretty. We need to be told that we are. We dress up and wait for the compliments to rain down on us.
But what if you’re veiled, a hijabi? When you’ve decided that only one guy will really get to see you? And you abide by that faithfully, which means not dressing like a hojabi, hiding your body, little to no makeup, and not dating. You abide by the rules so faithfully you become a pillar of virtue and no guy that’s not related to you would dare comment on your looks, starving you for compliments. The piece of cloth on your head seems to signify the death of your sexuality (which it doesn’t, of course) and you start feeling like this asexual being.
So as the years go by and there’s no man in our lives, what to do?
So we dress up, essentially for ourselves, and then go to these all-women parties to boost our self-confidence. To reinforce what we already know: that yes, we are pretty and that one day we’ll get to share that prettiness with someone.
It’s kind of sad to think about.
And I’ll admit it’s not the easiest thing in the world, being a hijabi. And I’m just talking about the desire to be pretty here. I’m not talking about the difficulties it poses in the workplace, while traveling, how you’re perceived, etc. That’s fodder for a whole different post.
Sometimes, I dislike my hijab. I feel like ripping it off, getting dressed up to the nines, blow drying my hair, showcasing my *assets* and watching jaws drop. Exerting my feminine wiles, if you will. Because I know I’m hot and I know I can.
Or even just showing my hair. Believe me, hair makes a whole lot of difference. You can be dressed in a potato sack and veiled, and then in a potato sack and unveiled, and no matter how pretty you thought a girl was veiled, the minute her hair is visible it’s like a light bulb goes on: “hey, it’s a woman.” Kind of like when you see a photo of a girl as a teenager and then a woman.
But I’ve decided that my looks are not going to be what makes me special. Because, in the end, looks fade.
Wow, I kind of depressed myself there.
I love this post. I sometimes feel like ripping it off too. I thought that once I got married I would manage to look pretty at home most of the time. Turns out with a baby in tow and a busy life, I wash my face and go. But hey Annie did say all you need is a smile from ear to ear.
Aww thanks.
The feeling comes and goes.
At least you have someone to look pretty for sometimes. I’m still a bitter old spinster. Congrats on the baby! And thank you for dropping by, I’m so excited whenever I get a comment lol.
Oh my dear, I can sympathise with how you feel.
I’m “fattractive” too, always have been. I’m resigned to it now, although am currently working on shaving off a few centis [ok more than a few].
Ever since i can remember I have just loathed myself from the neck down. Neck up, I’m fantastic, brains, hair face. Neck down – really really vile.
So I imagine it must be really hard, the hijabi thing. I mean, my hair is definitley my best asset; it’s long and when I brush it out and it glows in the sunshine it’s really something, and kind of makes up for the rest. Until I try to go shopping of course, or squeeze into an airline seat
The problem is that no matter what men say, they always in the end go for looks.
If it’s of any consolation, I am not veiled and I have horrible hair !
@ Medovaya: Aww, that sucks. Although I wish my body were better, I don’t loathe it, loathing is never healthy.
Being a hijabi is hard at times. But then there’s that pesky little thing called faith that makes things better
Looks do matter, andwe’d be hypocrites if we said they didn’t. And that works both ways. But no matter how stunning a person is, eventually their partner gets used to the way they look–and if there’s nothing substantial underneath that pretty exterior, they’ll go elsewhere.
@ Seg: Lol. thanks!
ok well you must know who i am since you linked my blog in this post (hojabi link).
i am also what you class as fattractive. nice to meet you.
i also hate this fugly carina body wear top with a gorgeous dress thing that A LOT of egyptian girls wear. someone im related to by marriage wears them when she gets dressed up. she is also very fattractive and let me just say that skin-tight carina on fatty arms, matched with strapless dresses and spanish hegab is NOT a flattering look. i hate carina and wish i could somehow burn all their products.
how do you say to someone you love “carina is a fatty girl’s worst enemy?” in a nice way….
hmmm…..
salams ange! Of course I know who you are, and I love your ‘3beeta’ blog too. Nice to finally ‘meet’ you instead of my usual lurking on your blog.
Carina = worst invention for all women. It either looks:
a) immodest (ex. skintight)
b) ridiculous (ex. ruining how pretty dresses look like. Not every dress can be “hijabized”).
b) unflattering (as is the case with your relative)
I love this post. I can totally relate. I LOVE ALL GIRL PARTIES. They truly make me feel better.
I found your post fascinating. Many of my friends relate to your sentiments. But whenever I go to all girl parties, I don’t mind that people dress up, but a lot of girls act without hayaa’ that they are in front of other women. Some women expose their awrah (thighs), some dance obscenely (sexual–but light hearted dancing I don’t mind), and some take pictures in suggestive poses. So I think all girl parties *can* be good fun, but most these days are stupid, vain, and irrational. I am not saying you go to these types of parties, but I had the misfortune to be dragged by couple of my friends. But one thing as another type of women that I must object to is that not all women feel the need to be acknowledged as pretty or feel the need to impress men. At least, I don’t and I am not a feminazi. But I like the post. It gives the public a look into hijabis’ lives. Thanks!